Posts by Melissa

Just when I thought the Jersey Shore was over, these assholes committed to a second season.

During the airing of the show, I curiously observed, boycotted, and now and then, while wearing my zebra snuggie, would take the occasional peek through the fleece at the trainwreck that dominated most major media outlets.

Throughout this time, I refrained from standing on my soap box, but with the news of the second season, I hoisted myself up, and am ready to yell.

"Snookie. Snickers. Schnicks. Shitney. You did NOT. Invent the poof. I did. So move over, Hooker."

February is American Heart Month. And so it should be, as cardiovascular diseases are our nations #1 killer.

So, go red girls.

This national movement was founded by the American Heart Association as a way of keeping women in the know about the dangers of heart disease. Heart Disease is the Number #1 killer of American women! We do so much to prevent breast cancer, we need to not only love pink but love RED! (And it's a good thing these two colors go together.)

What can you do to support the cause?

Wear something red.

Why not try a bright lip?

It is the hot color for the pout this year. We like Rimmel London's new Moisture Renew Lip Colour in Red Alert, Rose Passion, or Rosette.

Personally, I can't pull off red lips, but I always wear red nail polish.

So my new personal recommendation?

Rimmel's Lasting Finish Pro Nail Enamel in Stiletto.

And if you're really interested in the cause and a jersey broad like moi, there's an event in Red Bank you can attend.

Kits, palettes and trend color sets are very popular right now. Too Faced has French & Fabulous, Urban Decay has Alice & Wonderland & now Mark has the It Kit.

However, out of all of them, Mark is my favorite.

Why?

B/c it's pocket size.

Meet Mark's (literally) IT Kit.

This little compact is everything you want to put in your Gucci clutch for a night out -- but can't.

It's a 2x2 compact you flip open for a mirror, bronzer, 3 eye shadows, 3 multi-use cream shades and 3 lip glosses, all for $20.

If vanity splashed with convenience is your thing, than this kit is ideal.

If a bargain is what you're after, then where else are you going to get all of these products for $20? (If I were to buy all of these things separately, I'm are looking at $100 at the counter; $40 at my local drug store.)

The best thing here, is that's it's so compact that it can fit in your back pocket (which I wouldn't recommend because your jeans are too tight, you might get sweaty dancing , and no one likes a period-like stained ass).

The one thing it's missing?

A brush.

Not sure about you folk, but, I apply my shadow and face makeup with my fingers but I can't apply bronzer with the heel of my hand.

Aside from that, I'm loving it.

Thoughts?

Dear Mattel,

I would like to begin with telling you a little about my life as an American Girl.

Growing up, we didn't have a lot of money, but I did always have the great things. And, in the 90's, who didn't know that American Girl Dolls were great?

I started with a Bitty Baby at around 7 with the bassinet and diaper bag thanks to my Lebanese grandmother (Sitto) who gave the best gifts. (Read: Correction. Gave the large sum of money to my Mother who got just what we wanted.)

Within the year, I was obsessed and Samantha was given to me.

I was NEVER a BARBIE girl. (In fact, there is a video somewhere of me getting a Barbie for my birthday and me tossing it aside squealing, "YUCK." With that, you see my mother's hand creep into the camera shot and take a firm tug at a hunk of my hair.)

Anyway, Samantha was my girl! She looked like me! Growing up Italian/Lebanese and loving dolls, how often do you think I had a doll that looked like me? Samantha even had tan skin! (I had the equal amouth of excitement when Aladdin was released. FINALLY!)

Being a struggling middle class family, we weren't able to have Samantha's entire wardrobe but my mom made up for it with her creativity. She actually got the patterns and MADE clothes for me...and I could even design them. So honestly, I thought I was the shit because no one else had my Samantha clothes. My bff, who's family was very well off (isn't that always the case?), even asked my mom to make HER doll clothes!

We're a little slow on the news front with this one; but if you haven't heard, American Apparel is debuting their nail polish line.

Happy or Crappy?

So right, move over OPI (even though the only thing we like by you these days is Russian Navy & those new matte colors you have) & take a back seat ESSIE (but please don't Essie, b/c remember when we met you @ the Havianas/Essie event & you told us you're a Queens broad?).

So AA, known for it's amazingly soft cotton staples, underage porno ad campaigns & a creepy CEO; can you imagine what their nail lacquer will look like?

Probably a mix between Rainbow Brite, Lady Gags & a tramp on the LES.

Each of the 18 colors in the primary offering evokes an "important part of American Apparel". One is the color of raw cotton, while another -- a minty green color called Office -- was matched to the color of an accounting notepad found on the seventh floor of American Apparel's headquarters.

TOLETTA.

It is the world's first portable paper toilet seat cover. Yes, meet Toletta.

Let me explain...

How many times have you found yourself in Bar A, gotta go & start fearing the worst?

Me = 1 Million.

I wait online, slirp up my fresh kettle & club, finally get in the bathroom, and oh, look...

No T.P.

I grin & bear it; ask my neighbor to spare a square.

And one single, lonely square she gives. It's practically enough for a damp wipe & a shake off.

With my borrowed square in hand, I realize my legs can't stand the hover after all of my sweet dance moves I did in the back tent (you know, the one behind the volleyball sand pit?). (Ed note: I have visions of Ronnie on The Shore talking about his signature "sick moves".)

I am still flying high (with the angel wings I stole. Kidding.) from last Thursday.

Lucky enough to be invited to the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Live Viewing Party, I (yes, me, the girl from Jersey who dreams more fabulous than reality) won two passes to the AFTERPARTY @ M2 in the meatpacking.

But, that's just me getting excited.

Here's how our night went: We show up at the Hotel Giraffe for the live viewing party and were directed (by the front desk) to the 12th floor.

LA-DE-DA is what we thought when we arrived at the 12th fl. penthouse & had our coats exchanged with a great glass of wine.

We stood in the middle of the room to take it all in.

Wondering if we were in the right room (everyone was dressed to the nine and I began to question if I was totally out of it living in Jersey) we ate up some divine apps: salmon mousse cakes, cheese crusted little puffs, etc...Then, after noticing that there was not a single big screen in the room for us to watch, we peaced out.

We left the 12th flr., wine glasses in hand, to find out where we were supposed to be. (Classy eh? Leaving the investors party & getting into elevators with glasses of wine.)

"The Cellar Bar," is what another hotel staffer told us, and off we went.

Once we arrived at Cellar Bar, we come to find out, the 12th flr. shin-dig we were in was the VS INVESTORS COCKTAIL PARTY. OMG. Mortification. Die. Yes.

Can you even?

Is this my life?

The Show:

I DIE. (Sorry Rachel, I'm over-stealing your phrase to point way past coolness.) It was taped at the Lexington Armory across the street from Hotel Giraffe.

The them for this year's show was "Magical Journey" and magical it was.

The Blacked Eyed Peas gave 2 stellar performances and Fergie rocked it in an emerald green bodice with a train that almost made me want to jump on stage & rip it off of her. When she curtsied, I wanted to imitate her immediately. Sigh.

The 5 show sets were totally different; 1 completely surreal to the next.

Let me tell you ladies, I fell on the floor when I received a package last week containing Fran Drescher's new line of skin care called FranBrand!

I immediately called Elyse (my fab Editor and lifelong stalker fan of Fran) and started screaming.

"I know," Elyse said, "It's like Christmas!"

"Are you kidding? "It's f***ing better than Christmas, its Chrismahanakwanzica," I snapped.

Slicing my hand while using a ghetto scissor to get the box open, I saw the entire line of FranBrand; 9 gorgeously simple containers to be exact.

Each one containing an opportunity to be more beauteous. I ran up stairs and started opening every jar and deciding where to place them all. (FranBrand's glass containers are eco-friendly.)

I put the Classic Cleanser and Terrific Toner Gel in the bathroom along with the Beautiful Body Cream and Sensational Serum because these are to be used night and day.

The Fabulous Face Lotion and Excellent Eye Gel (day) went on my zebra print covered vanity.

The Fabulous Face Cream and Excellent Eye Gel (night) went on my end table next to my Princess and the Pea mattress. (ed note: OMG. Zomg. STFU.)

I threw my Luscious Lip Balm in my vintage Gucci that my Aunt Cotine gave me and I was ready to start taking care of my skin!

So far, so good, Ladies.

You know me, I am a fan of the drug store and never really spend a ton of money on goodies because I buy them daily but honestly, I have been looking to find a skin care line because, lets face it, I am not getting any younger, I party like a rock star and I DO NOT want to look like Magda (or Yetta) when I am in my 30s.

Applause for giving back during Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I don't care if you are gorgeous, ghastly, plump, svelte, nasty, stank, nouveau riche, celeb status, or just getting by....BREAST CANCER IS A REALITY and like it or not, 1 out of 8 of us will have it.

Even in the dream world of Hollywood, Breast Cancer is a reality.

Many famous women have been affected by this horrible disease.

Sheryl Crow, Melissa Ethridge, Kylie Minogue, Cynthia Nixon, Jaclyn Smith, Christina Applegate, Edie Falco, Olivia Newton John, to name a few...

You know what they are?

They are not actresses or musicians.

THEY ARE WOMEN. THEY ARE SURVIVORS. And many of them are fighting more than for themselves.

They are fighting for all of us by using their voice, here are a little roundup of some of my favorite celebrities doing great things for The Cure.

Celeb # 1: Christina Applegate,had to undergo a double mastectomy last year, has partnered up with Lee Jeans, and helped them celebrate Denim Day. Denim Day, now in it's 13th year, has raised over $75 million in the fight against breast cancer.

Celeb #2: As an ode to my marvelous Editor (ed note: Aw, zank you!), we can not forget the magnificent Fran Drescher and her foundation, Cancer Schmancer.

Fran, using her appointed political stance & of course, infamous voice, in conjunction with Paul Mitchell to raise awareness for a cause close to her.

Companies giving back during October's BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH:

Ladies, ladies, ladies I can not stress to you enough how IMPORTANT CRUCIAL it is to, not only have a mammography when you are supposed to, but to also (especially for the Pumas who are not quite old enough for mamos) give yourself a self breast exam on a regular basis.

WEBMD has great information that I hope you all check out.

The easiest way, I think is to do it in the shower. Hopefully you all do that on a regular basis...

It is helpful to have your hands slippery with soap and water.

Check for any lumps or thickening in your underarm area.

Place your left hand on your hip and reach with your right hand to feel in the left armpit.

Repeat on the other side.