Posts by Toni

If you haven't already read it and built a shrine to it you need to go and buy Kelly Cutone's, "If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You".

Pure-Fucking-Genius!

Not as self-helpy as I imagined and more guru-inspired confessions of a small town girl.

I loved it, but then again I love Kelly Cutrone. Did you know she used to do meth? Did you know she still is madly in love with her baby daddy? Or that she used to tell fortunes in Cali?

All true.

Favorite quote: "We're all hookers in one way or another."

Go get this book now.

And while you're at it, get this Kelly Cutrone inspired Rick Owens jumper because its fab!

Hot Italian guy + genuis branding + makeup = Tokidoki makeup at Sephora.

Simone Legno creator of Tokidoki has a new brand of makeup out at Sephora that has me totally flipped. I'm seriously loving the whole line because the packaging is playfully genius. Stemming from Legno's love of anime, the packaging has cutie lil' japanese peeps on each product. Not sure about you. but I don't mind stacking up extra chips at the counter considering you are getting a little piece of art.

I swear the Prisma Lip Gloss makes me look like I just did a round of Jessica Simpson lip injections. My favorite shade Donutella (which is a cute character that has a sprinkled donut tutu...Ahh love!) The best part of the gloss is the plexiglass-like (silicone maybe?) applicator it comes with; no brush making your lips hairy.

Run bitches and get your own!!

Ed Note]: BTW, Toni, I went to the Tokidoki launch party last week at Arena (move back to NYC already!); the theme, "Dangerously Fun". The event was ridiculous: crystal chandeliers, hot blue cocktails, magenta skate ramp on the middle of the floor with boarders doing tricks, fashion show, 2 banquet tables littered with the new line & Sephora makeup artists scampering about answering questions, SPRINKLE KRISPY KREMES ON LIGHT SABERS.

Need I say more?

This past weekend I was on a 4 day bender in Vegas--seriously, badder than anyone in the fast lane has experienced. "HELLO, Rehab opening weekend!"

Saturday night, I happened to find myself in the very swanky and no-words-for-this-amazing-club XS located at hotel Encore (baby sis' to hotel Wynn).

I was living like Diddy in my cabana in the sky, when overheard my cousin talking to our waitress. Ten minutes later, cousin Maria, returned holding a lil pouch.

What happened next was pure magic!

Turns out in the little gold pouch there was a pair of gold ballet flats with the XS logo.

The lil pouch then unfolded to house my cousin's wedges.

Result: Party on!

I looked down at my Choo'ed up feet and heard my pinky toe whisper over the David Guetta remix, "Toni, for the love of God ask that chola waitress for a pair. Everyone gets that you're flossy. I can't breathe down here."

So I bought a pair in black ($20 cheaper than a rocks pour) to match my silk tuxedo dress, but didn't throw them on until I was waiting on the violently long 4am taxi line.

Steve Wynn: you a genius, Boo.

So if you read this site you probably have a sexy boyfriend, a wicked fresh closet, some smart beauty tricks and a fridge full of delicious bites.

How is your apartment looking? Nothing says "I'm young and fabulous" like having a cool pad.

So for spring before I jump for designer wedges or over priced cotton dresses.

This is on my must buy list!

So Madonna material girl!

So last weekend was the Calle Ocho festival in Miami.

Translation: The San Gennaro Feast for Hispanics in Miami that lasts one crazy day. But (!) this is really the equivalent of what Broadway is to New Yorkers.

Yeah it's that serious.

Outfit selection is always what screams Cholita: lots of hair gel, razor blades under my tongue and now these killer (literally) nails from Kiss.

They mimic Dita Von Teese half moon manicure, that the diva apparently had Kiss make because her shit was chipping. They are self-adhensive which is great for me.

And to boot, I can apply them while driving with my windows rolled down blasting Cecilia Cruz.

Love my life.

-T- Bonita

W's upcoming April shopping issue features Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler & I have a few things to say...

It's one thing to have a bad breakup...

It's another thing to do it 5 times (Brad Pitt, John Mayer x2, Vince Vaugn, Paul Sculfor, Gerald Butler) I feel bad for the Man-i.

But, to combat how the world thinking she's the most used-up girl in Hollywood (besides Kate Hudson---that bitch is fo' real on the grind), she is looking extra extra "Im-not-pushing-40" hot on the new cover of W.

The editorial inside is even better. They actually featured items we want to buy!!

FYI: W-Shop is mint! Hooray for afternoon shopping from your cubicle!

I'm at the mid-way point to Easter, am still diet coke-less; and, I haven't bought any shoes in two weeks, although I did have a wild try-on spree in a swanky department store recently. (Insert mini British Queen clap here.)

I'm feeling a lil' melancholy, with the nonsense called Oscar fashion and the death of Mr. McQueen.

This Nick Alan tee sums up how I feel.

It screams Anti-Fashionista and is made in America, but not in slave chola LA camps, like American Apparel.

Mine is being shipped as I type!

You feelin' this, Boo?

There is a time in every woman's life where she makes the decision if she is having sex that night (yes boys 99.5% of the time we know in advance if sex is on the menu and we make the call don't get it twisted).

She then begins a process called the "sex shower".

Some women do it in anticipation that they might have sex, and some women do it only when they know it's a sure thing. It really is just an extra long shower in which we make sure we are as smooth, clean, and sweet smelling as humanly possible. An old tranny- esque roommate used to scream at me "Toni, get out of the shower you are f*cking up your skin."

Anywho, I needed to bring this up because I just read that a woman near Key West (Pirateville) just crashed her car because she was shaving while driving. I have some thoughts on this:

Shaving your cookie is hard enough. Is shaving and driving the new texting/driving?

She was in route to see her boyfriend. What there are no bathrooms where you were coming from or going to?

Her ex-husband was in the passenger seat. Even the best ex/friend situation would still feel some type of way about this?

Did she have a Venus? Did she Bic it? Shave gel? Was the bitch doing it dry? Grizzle.

The opinions expressed in this article belong to T-bonz (and some random quips from Elyse). These shouldn't be reflected on the entire Glamour Cow famiglia!

Most improved from Golden Globes: Cameron Diaz (Elyse: Did you see those crow's feet?)

Best animated character to real person crossover: Zoe Saldana (Elyse: Orgasm. Loved this.)

Worst dressed person (who knew they had a good chance to win): Sandy Bullock (Elyse: Really? I loved her dress...)

Worst double vision: J Lo and Amanda Seyfried , someone at Armani Prive needs to check their email and not put bitches in what looked like the same prom dress (Elyse: JLO needs to get back on the 6 train with that dress; looks like a cross between BAPS and Candy Land board game piece. Amanda looks she's wrapped in cheap, gauzy fabric from Michael's Craft Store.)

Worst tattoo: George Clooney's Italian Bitch needs some stage makeup to cover up that tribal tattoo. I can't believe he even talks to women that have them! (Elyse: Is. That. A. Tribal. Band.)

Best sucking on the nipple of youth: Demi Moore (Elyse: Agreed.)

There was a time during the "Toni World Tour" that I wore a mini knife on a chain around my neck.

I also had a Chanel lipstick that doubled as a jail-style shank...

I would make jabbing motions at people's abdomens in clubs and tell them to "Go To Sleep."

True story.

It was a colorful time for me.

Every once in a while I see things that bring me right back to those glory days.

March is women's history month and you need these items from BUST (one of my favorite mags) to celebrate:

The BUST Guide to the New Girl Order book, which complies the best of BUST's writing over the past 7 years. Fierce girl manifesta!

The I Want Candy revolver watch. What time is it tricks?

The Flower Print Utility Blade. For slicing bitches that carry on! (Kidding. Chill.)