Recently in DATING Category

Ok kids.

I've done some thinking.

And I've decided I'd have to be absolutely out-of-my-mind-el-desperado to see The Stalker again.

And while el desperado I may be, no amount of desperation can drive me to willingly start two and a half years of Stalker nonsense up again.

I haven't broken the news yet, but I'm hoping it doesn't lead to a box of dead roses showing up at my door on Valentine's Day accompanied by notes like these

Wish me luck...er more like, R.I.P.

If you guys forgot; I'm the edit assistant here, and have the occasional meep meep. Today, I need to vent, re: dating.

Whatever happened to opening the door for the lady? Or, walking her home?

The other day the girls & I went to a club for a friend's birthday (note: I'm in school up in RI, so by club, I mean "the club", the one which everyone goes to on the weekends). I met a cute guy, and, I must say, we hit it off pretty well. The conversation was not forced, it was just flowing.

Sparks aside, he also managed to do everything right: bought me a drink, danced with me and managed to slip in a few kisses here and there.

Unfortunately, my night came to a screeching halt when my "responsible" friend realized the bottle of wine she downed wasn't sitting too well.

We needed to evacuate immediately.

Well, well well.

Look what popped up on my Macbook screen yesterday:

AIM IM with _______ 12/4/10 12:11 PM

STALKER: Hi lauren how are you? Let me first start off by apologizing for going mia. Ive been thinking of you

ME: I really don't know what to say to you
why did you stand me up?
12:30 PM

STALKER: I screwed up and was a jerk. No excuses, but id really like to make it up to u.
I wouldve reached out sooner but felt so stupid i never did
Since ive realized how much i miss u, im reaching out now
12:37 PM

When I was asked to go cover PurpleLab Cosmetic's "Find Your Luvah" Speed Dating event, I thought, why not?

I had never speed dated before and besides, with VH1's Tough Love host Steve Ward at the helm, I figured it would at the very least be entertaining (not to mention a portion of proceeds going to benefit Women in Need).

So I got my dating partner in crime (we'll just call her "K") on board, along with a couple of platonic (?) male friends (one of which apparently likes to wear his sunglasses at night), and off we headed to the W Hoboken (that's right - I trekked my Manhattan ass out to Jersey).

"Bet you never saw this one coming."

Fast forward another year and a half (a total of just over two years from date #1), and we arrive at Fall 2009. I'm still receiving the usual text about once a month: "Hey Lauren, it's 'S.' How are you? Want to catch up over dinner sometime?"

One particular evening in September I received said text and instead of my usual "delete," I thought to myself, you know what?

Maybe I would like to catch up over dinner. I mean, hell. Even though I called him "Stalker," his stalking really was limited to polite text messages every 1-2 months. (Had he shown up at my door step, that would have been a different story.)

And even though yes, he was too much too soon back when we first met, and yes, he was a bit on the boring side, I supposed it was mostly a thing of timing that led me to flee early on. Two years later I wasn't seeing anyone else at the moment and thought, what have I got to lose? (Besides, given the roster of winners I had dated lately, "S" was starting to look pretty darn good.)

So, I texted him back.

"A tangled web we weave."

Well, that was that - until 2 months later while dining al fresco at Dallas BBQ in the East Village (yes, I'm that classy). Happily downing my texas-sized margarita, I hear a familiar voice say "Hey Lauren." Lo and behold, there's "S" (who lived in the East Village at the time).

We had a brief "how are you doing" convo and that was about it. And then I waited for it. Like clockwork, I got the text a few days later. "Hey Lauren, great to see you the other night. Let's grab a drink and catch up sometime?"

Still not interested, I responded that I was seeing someone (which I actually was) and that drinks probably wouldn't be the best idea.

Well, this pattern continued. Every 1-2 months over the course of the next two years I received some form of communication - text message, email, phone call, you name it.

Hence the name - The Stalker.

At first it was flattering. Then it got kind of weird. Then just plain desperate. I finally sent him an email after the first 6 months telling him flat out I was not interested and that he should stop contacting me.

He gave it two months before he started up again.

"In the beginning there were expectations."

The Stalker - let's just call him "S" - and I got along great during the 3 weeks before we actually met in person. That's right - the 3 weeks before we met in person. Which brings me to my first rule in online dating:

Do not spend more than a week corresponding before meeting up in person. Otherwise you will end up generating expectations and feelings for someone you have never even met. And don't fool yourself - you have no idea what a person is really like (physically, intellectually, emotionally) just from talking to them online.

Back to "S." We started messaging back and forth on Match 1 week before I was leaving on a 10-day trip to San Diego over the 4th of July.

After a few Match messages we moved to email, then IM, then finally phone by the time I got to the West Coast. During my trip we corresponded about every other day. Aw, how sweet, you say?

I suppose it would be useful to give you a brief history of my dating life, pre-internet years.

Well, I didn't really date at all until I moved to New York at age 18. Before that (back in Maryland), I was what my still-best friend always called me: "a big fish in a small pond."

Literally - I towered over the boys from pre-K all the way through senior year. While my looks didn't fit into my small town's cookie-cutter mold, wouldn't you know it - in New York I fit right in.

It all started Summer 2007.

At 22, I had just gotten out of a rather tumultuous 3 ½ year relationship with the only person I had ever really dated. Before - let's just call him 'X' - I led an existence of short-lived, not-so-great dates.

So, you might remember me from writing L-Worthy on GC. I am now transitioning myself to my true passion: men.

In case you want some background; check this out:

Having grown up in the 'burbs of D.C., I got a taste of big city life early on. When I high-tailed it out of the boonies immediately after high school to attend New York's Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT), I was more than glad to swap the cows of Maryland for the GlamourCows of NYC.

Now a fashion PR maven by day and serial internet dater by night, I bring to all you fellow GlamourCows my trials, tribulations, do's, don'ts, tips, tricks (no, not in the prostitute sort of way) and more in the world of New York City dating.

And yes, this does mean everything from internet dates (and I've got all the sites covered), set-ups and speed dating (haven't tried it yet, but what the hell, it's research, right?) to that old-fashioned method of meeting people in real life.

You know, through friends, at a bar, at work (oh wait, I work from home by myself - scratch that), at Central Park like they do in movies (I go to Sheep's Meadows almost every weekend during the summer and this still hasn't happened. Thank you for nothing, Hollywood!), and, well, other "real" world experiences that, come to think of it, never really happen to me.

So, internet dating it is.

While I do not claim nor am in any way a relationship "expert" (ha - please) I do promise to bring you my honest, raw, unedited (ok, somewhat edited- I will spare you TMI) personal experiences, from butterflies, heartbreak and wtf moments back to butterflies again.

You can also expect my pre-date grooming tips, best worst pickup lines (no one puts baby in a corner - really???), spastic attempts at wearing 4 inch heels (I'm already 5'11"), and that time when I did try wearing 4" heels and fell flat on my face in front of the W Union Square. Yes, in front of three gorgeous, single, (straight?) men.

Enter GlamourCow Dating Guru Hot Mess: Lauren Rich.